14th Nov`14

and then, she actually remembers my b`day :( she asked me if tomorrow is my b`day.. i wanted to say an yes, but i dont know why i lied :( prolly, cause, i know I`m never gonna get her :D i was very touched, :( i know, she has pushed me off her life, and it would be really stupid of me if i keep expecting from her :P i just wanted to spend my all day with her.. my minds knows, it`s all over, but my heart is still behind her.. unknowingly, i became rude with her.. havent said anything but still was rude.. DAMN!! fuck this feel!! tomorrow is my b`day :((((( I`m neither gonna be with my parents nor with her.. i just wanted to sleep in my moms lap and wanted a hug from my dad.. but.. fuck!! i want to lay down in her lap once, just once.. :( and i wanted to be with her for the entire day.. i cant ask none of these to her :) since, im no one to her, can`t ask if i can lay down in her lap.. and if at all i ask her down for the whole day, or for a while, .. no.. no.. i dont even want to ask, the words she has uttered comparing me with him is still echoing in my ears :D
Dude, whats the whole fuss about!!!? It`s just a fucking b`day! So, what!??? Calm the fuck down mate, .. i know, i should :D i try to realize, i fail to realize, i realize, i fail :D cause, my wish dominates the fact that she doesn`t want me :D I`m bad in convincing people and i don`t even want to be good at it..
i dont know why she`s calling me home tomorrow :( is she sure about my b`day :(  i want to be with her but :( i want to be with her forever :(
Darling, it`s just one day, i really want to be with you :( i love you so much my sweetheart :( i even love the way you pushed me off yo life :D :( :D :'( :D :D